j a n j i

On: January 03, 2012

hanya dengan pensil usang, akan kucoba menggurat kembali sebuah kidung usang, tentang hidup, tentang semangat, kian hari semakin redup, yang semoga masih menemaniku untuk hidup, setidaknya hingga coretan inipun kututup dengan se-manis mungkin


kertas usang inipun telah kupilih, tempatku untuk berkeluh dimasa yang kian berat...
[pertama] ingin kusapa dengan penuh rasa sayang yang berlimpah, kedua orang tua tercinta yang telah kujadikan dengan sangat harap, sebuah dian dalam kegamangan hidup, tempat kupulang dikala rasa rindu ini kian bertumpuk hingga seperti agama dikala ku haus akan kasih sayang....teramat sangat rasa sayang yang ku reguk hingga kini, hingga berpikir untuk jauh dari merekapun aku tidak sanggup, bahkan tidak akan mungkin bisa hidup tanpanya....
hingga senyum-senyum indah adik-adik tercinta, candaan-candaan hangat kala hidup ini terasa semakin berat ditiap detik, percayalah...kalian adalah anugerah terindah yang dikirmkan sang penguasa hidup ini kepadaku, betapa berharganya hidup ini ditemani olehmu..wahai adik tersayang.....
andai waktu adalah milikku, tidak akan kuikhlaskan setiap detiknya masa itu berlalu, masa dimana tawa bahagia kita selalu terdengar saling bersahutan, ulah-ulah nakal yang selalu terikat dengan benang merah yang bernama kasih sayang, masa dimana kebahagiaan adalah milikku dan milikmu, yang akan selalu mengikat kita dengan sungguh sangat eratnya [hingga tiada satu kekuasaan pun mampu untuk merenggutnya dariku]


hingga kepada diri, sendiri yang selalu ku coba untuk akur, mencoba untuk pahami satu sama lain, yang kadang terasa asing, sungguh sangat asing..selalu kubertanya, kamu siapa? sama seperti waktu yang terdahulu, kau pun tidak menjawab dan tidak pernah jua untuk bertanggap, memanglah kita asing, bahkan sungguh asing [hingga untuk membencipun aku tidak diberi ruang] biarlah berlalu sendiri-sendiri, seperti sejak lalu


disalah satu pojok jendela kamarku yang mulai disarangi lumut, tempat setia kala gundah terasa kian memuncak, tempat kuselalu pulang untuk merenungi hidup, yang ternyata tidak mudah,
pada dialah saja aku selalu berujar kini, betapa rasa rindu kian bertambah ditiap saat, betapa rongga dada terasa kian sesak ditiap detik hingga sore ini, kala hujan kian tumpah, dan langitpun makin berteriak dengan suara lantang, gemuruh bersahutan saling menyambar, aku telah kembali disudut itu, tempat yang masih setia berteman denganku


masih dalam guratan pensil tua, semuanya telah musnah, satu persatu dinding kokoh itu telah termakan usang, pun temaram yang selalu tampak itu sudah pergi. ternyata aku telah tertinggal sendiri


dimana angin, dimana kicauan burung yang tiap pagi membuat telingaku mengiang pekak, dimana hangat yang selalu membalut tidur tiap malamku, dimana semua? semua diam....semua bisu, atau memang aku telah beku?
tiba-tiba semua hitam, dalam kelam masih kusanggupi untuk tetap menulis, tentang sebuah kidung lama tentang hidup, tentang diri yang beranjak rapuh, tentang ujung yang menyata tampak, tentang janji yang harus ditetapi.....


nun jauh, dia telah datang, membawa gelap yang semakin bertambah, semoga aku kuat..
setidaknya hingga kututup tulisan ini dengan manis


jangan menangis, jangan ada ratap.....semua sudah waktunya
dan waktunya pun telah tiba


kutitipkan kidung ini, hingga tibanya nanti semua akan berbicara sendiri

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